You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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