spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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