Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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