How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Randomize
