i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
