HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
