the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
