I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
