how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
