Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
