You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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