My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
