idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
