Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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