Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
