Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
