At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
