Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
