I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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