we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
