I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
