I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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