Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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