Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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