Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
