i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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