I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
