There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
