Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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