Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
