she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
