It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
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GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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