I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
