i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
