She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
