I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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