Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
