Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
