like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
