Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
