I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
