I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
