eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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