i wish starbucks made bloody marys
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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