i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
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I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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