Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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