god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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