So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
