Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She announced her abortion via fbk
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
