They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
