You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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