She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
