could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
