Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
