Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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