Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
