i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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