well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
