his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
